Anywhere Else But Here.

Do you ever find yourself watching YouTube walking videos on repeat?

Some random guy, strolling through a city you’ve never been to. Or perhaps one that means a lot to you. And for some reason, it brings you peace?

Maybe it’s nostalgia. Maybe it’s the melancholy. I revisit places I’ve lived. Wander places I’ve never seen. Is it voyeuristic? Maybe. But it’s sorta like an amusement ride. It doesn’t last long. Eventually fades.

So I book the flight.

And now, here I am. Some faraway place. Walking. Taking it in. Same habits. Same routines. A new experience here. A new friend there. And I wait. And I wait some more. For an epiphany. Some sort of sign. For it all to make sense.

But the feeling never comes.

I thought if I went far enough…if no one knew me, and I knew no one…I’d finally find myself. But along the way, I realize:

Whatever I do here, I could do anywhere.

Maybe those walking videos let me escape, just for a moment. Maybe I chase new places in order not to acknowledge the problems that I face.

Maybe the “here” I’ve been looking for isn’t necessarily a place, but a feeling. Maybe it really is me. And maybe—just maybe—the old adage is correct.

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

Another one of those universal truths. “Wherever I go, there I am.”

Maybe, that’s where I need to start…